I'm so fucking centered right now
where am i from again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
