I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
