pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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