I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize