I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
