I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
