It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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