He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
