My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
