Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
