I wish my penis had an off switch
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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