you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
