Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
