watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
