Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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