Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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