Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
