You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
