lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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