I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
