Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
