Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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