I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
