what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize