Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
