Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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