My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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