I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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