my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
