he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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