Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
