guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize