I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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