Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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