**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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