the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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