Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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