Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
