How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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