How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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