he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
