evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
