Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
