pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize