DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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