He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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