Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
