Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
