I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
