She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
