never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
