I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
