I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
