Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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