allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
