I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
