my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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