I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well you can't waste a boner
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
