Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize