is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
