You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
