last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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