Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
