sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
