i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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