Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
