So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize