So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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